GCSEs are the Exams which English Students take
at age 16. The Results of these exams can determine what the future
holds for the students involved.
This is a compilation of actual GCSE exam answers.
They are funny, hilarious, humorous, but worst of all, they're true!
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by
mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such
that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from
an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "am I my brother's
son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red
Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people,
and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths.
A myth is a female moth
.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer,
but by another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who
went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates
died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered
a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the
Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on
the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because
they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:
"Tee hee, Brutus."
11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture
his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and
was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that
no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
13. In midevil times most people were alliterate.
The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems
and verses and also wrote literature.
14. Another story was William Tell, who
shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
15. It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir
Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and
started smoking
16. During the Renaissance, history began.
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst
cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta,
and the Santa Fe.
17. Later, the pilgrims crossed the ocean,
and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a
hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were
born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
18. One of the causes of the Revolutionary
War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would
send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally, the
colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates
from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is
still dead.
19. Soon the Constitution of the United
States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
20. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a
log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed
the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night
of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat
by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's
career.
21. Meanwhile, in Europe, the enlightenment
was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity, and also wrote
a book called Candy.
22. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off
the trees.
23. Beethoven wrote music even though
he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long
walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
expired in 1827 and later died of this.
24. The sun never set on the British Empire
because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
25. Queen Victoria was a the longest
queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman
who practised virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her
reign.
26. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became
one of the Marx Brothers.
Home to Piglette
| 